Monday, April 20, 2015

Onward and Forward...again.

 It has been a while since my fingers have hit the keyboard. Not that I have not thought about writing. But "Life" has a way of creeping in, right? Boy has it! However I will spare you the boring details. Let's just chalk it up to Life and move on! Yep! Onward and Forward!

You may be wondering if I have been able to release my "True Goddess" from my "Human." Well, let me just say we are no longer at World War 3 level, but we still have a way to go before they can be pals. But they are working towards a common ground. (sigh) The last few months I have really had some time to reflect. What is it that stops me? What are my demons? We all have them, (insert Human) but for me, what is it?
It all boils done to HABIT and LAZINESS, how about we abbreviate it "H & L." Because I can guarantee that this demon will raise it's wicked head again. Hey, I am a realist!

There is that saying regarding Habit, what is it? Doing something for so many days...I don't know. Well for me my problem is for 40 plus (cough) I have continued in a very crazy game. In my youth, Ha! I never had a problem with health/weight, if anything I was probably too thin. Oh, memories. Anyway, my health turned after my first child almost 16 years ago. Since then I really blamed my weight on having children.Oh. look another of my demons; EXCUSES! We can abbreviate them as: "E's" Granted there are physiological changes when you have kids, age, and genetics play a part too.But let's get honest, it was MY unhealthy H & L and E's that have brought me to where I am today. I know I am not the only one out there. We are human.  I realize that I  have a dance that I do. Let me explain.

My Dance of H & L and E's:

(You are in my head now, I know scary, but it will only take in minute, I promise!)

"Geez, look at that fat roll? It is like it has it's own world, shoot, it's own universe.  What the hell? ugh, are you kidding me? Oh, man I am looking old! Nice now I have a chin hair, seriously? What is up with the puffy eyes? Did I just piddle my pants when I sneezed? Why am I so freaking tired? What is up? Gosh, I look so unhealthy, what happened? That is it! Enough! This is it, I am going to do this, I am going to lose weight, and get healthy. I hate this. O.k, tomorrow I start eating clean, and exercising. Yep, going to pitch all the crap in the house, oh, wait the kids and hubby are not going to get on board with that, sigh, screw it, I will just not eat it. I will do my own thing. I got this." (self loathing, not good not good at all!)

The next day and a few weeks in:
"I did it, ate awesome, walked, feeling pretty awesome, this is it! I am going to do it! I am rocking this, I love my new____________ (insert new gym, fitness class, fitness video, fitness tool) I feel so good, so proud of myself. You are so awesome.looking good girl!" (self love, very good, very good indeed!)

"Wait, what? So and So, and such and such, just did__________, (insert any possible problem) Man, I am so busy today, I will just work out tomorrow, ugh, I am tired today, It is the holidays! I am so stressed out, Oh, look, chips! Well I did "o.k. today with eating, well except I only ate twice today since I was so busy and it was chips, cheese and an apple, at least dinner will be good! It is 10 p.m. and I am hungry, oh, I will make some nachos, oh, honey you bought me some ice cream, you are so good to me. (proceed to eat three servings) Dang it! I don't want to go to Dance Fit, that's o.k. it has been a stressful day, or I don't feel good, my period is coming, I need chocolate and peanut butter. I have Insulin Resistance, (side note: which is true, but due to this dance! continue...) I don't care anymore, I am what I am. Wait did I eat today? I better get back on it...

and the dance continues true to it's unhealthy cyclic form...

See? Scary. But it is my dance. Sometimes my falling off the healthy wagon isn't always a conscious thing anymore. I have danced it so long, it just is.

At this point I think the only way to stop it is to just be uber mindful of it. To really get honest and then accept it.To simple you say? Maybe, Maybe not, time will tell. But what do I have to lose? Since I am obviously an all or nothing kind of gal, I am shifting gears to allow myself to be o.k. to make a mistake, to not be so rough on myself. To try and remember not to stay in self-loathing mode. I even made post its to hang around my daily path to help keep mindful that I have a "dance."

Onward and Forward towards Health!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Human side of me has been winning, Oh, Goddess let's get it together!

It has been a big struggle to keep up my promise to myself. I sit here thinking, "Gosh, imagine if I would of kept going, where I would be now?" It does not help that I have two friends that are on a healthy weight loss journey too and they are doing fab. I am so absolutely happy for them. Jealous a bit, but very happy. Hey, like I said the human is winning! What has made them stay on their journey and not me? I think I am just plain old weak. There are times when I say to myself "Self, why don't we just stay fat? Maybe we had our day in the skinny sun." Well that only lasts until I look in the full length mirror naked and scream!

Do not get me wrong I have lost some weight. We recently moved into the country and I have had to do a lot of physical things. Moving boxes, unpacking boxes, and gardening. A lot of working in the yard! Matter of fact I sit here at my computer lame for digging out weeds in the long driveway and helping the hubby with our new Japanese garden area. Who needs a gym when you have a shovel and tons of dirt to move. But to tell you how much I have lost, I can't. I threw the scale out in a moment of madness. Hind sight: scales cost money. Huh, maybe I should join a Yoga class? I hear the calming effects are wonderful!

My biggest down fall is really just habit and consistency. Summer is always hard. I do not tend to do well with exercise and eating right. Come to think of it I barely eat. Maybe once or twice a day. Let me tell you, it DOES NOT work! If it did, I would be rockin' a bikini! I am not purposely starving myself, I just do not have an appetite. Talk about throwing my metabolism off. Summer/Exercise? Ha! I am not a hot weather gal. Especially the way this summer has been. Hotter than a pepper pot and then 18 days of rain, and then more heat. (Hit rewind button, play again.) That has been our Summer. Ugh! I know, I know, what about going to a gym? Well my friends Planet Fitness is no more. We are now located about 30 minutes from a location. The membership was cancelled. So my activity has been walking, riding my bike, and pushing tons of dirt around. Remember the consistency factor I mentioned? These activities are not daily. So what is a Goddess to do? She thinks she needs to go talk to her "God" aka the hubby, for a tread mill and a set of weights and a weight bench.

Goals for the week:

-Eat! If I am not hungry, eat some of those awesome fresh veggies from the garden. Remember nothing like a plate of sliced tomatoes and cucumbers.

-Buy new tennis shoes. The old ones met their demise in the garden. (The lack of tennis shoes is a  good reason to not walk, the Human states quietly, in which the  Goddess gives her a smack upside the head and says "shut it!")

-Walk or ride bike nightly.

Friday, February 22, 2013

This is what I get for working out?

This is what I get for working out? This is what was rolling through my mind,as I stared back at six EMS/Firemen standing in my bedroom. For some woman this would be a dream come true to have six Firefighters in their bedroom. (sorry I could not resist) but for me it was a nightmare.

A few days prior to this, I started feeling a bit "under the weather." I chalked it up to that time of the month. During this time I get super sick, but that is a totally different story/blog, ha! No, this was something entirely different. After dinner of homemade chicken noodle soup, I laid back down. Just as I was drifting off into Never land, my heart started beating super fast, as if I was jogging. Then I got chest pain and tightness. After a few minutes of this not going away, I called my husband upstairs. We decided it was time to call 911 when it did not get better. What the heck?

I chewed up a full dose of aspirin and waited. When EMS got here, my blood pressure was 165/85! Yikes! They determined I was NOT having a massive heart attack, but said I needed to go in to be assessed. Ugh. I knew that meant a few hours in the emergency room. Since I was NOT having a heart attack, my hubby took me in.

The Voyage of the Goddess to the land of E.R

Blood work, cardiac enzymes, EKG, blood pressure cuff in place squeezing my arm every so many minutes, My blood work came back that I was super low in Potassium which can and will mess with your blood pressures.  Enter the nurse with two of the biggest pills I have ever seen. At least if I choked on them, I was in a good place! GULP! "Okay, can I go home now?" Enter the Doctor. "No, we need to keep you over night to get two more blood draws to check the cardiac enzymes. When a cardiac incident happens, it sometimes does not show up until 3 to 6 hours after, plus we want to do a Nuclear Stress test on you in the morning." NOOOOO!


Typical stay at the hospital, No sleep, no food or drink due to my testing in the morning, Poking and prodding, freaking out about all the other crap I could pick up from being in there. In the morning I was injected with a nice little cocktail of radio active something. Hour later, I am under a moving camera for about 10 minutes, then off to the treadmill. At least I wore my tennis shoes to the hospital right? My nurses running the test were amazing. They explained how the treadmill would start, increase in speed and incline. Joking that we would be taking a nice hike through the Appalachian mountains in Tennessee. I said I could handle that, as long as we were not hiking the Rocky mountains. I got this, I have been busting my butt in the gym haven't I? Buahahahhaha! The Goddess was laughing inside. She knew that it would be my journey to Hades on that last incline. It was. Nothing like jogging up the side of mountain.

Act Three:

The Results were that my heart is just fine. Pumping at 70 percent. What? Why not 100%? Well, I looked in the mirror and realized that. But my ticker is good. However, I have been referred to a cardiologist to "maximize my health." Not a bad idea considering my family history. Whew! They want me on a low-sodium diet, which I was doing any way with my own doctor. Take a heart healthy multi-vitamin, with CoQ10, B's, lycopene, etc.

Home. But I did not come home alone. Remember my statement earlier, I think it was in "ACT TWO?" the one about picking up some other crap from the being in the hospital? Yeah, well...

Five days later, I came down with the most beautiful upper respiratory infection. Fever, sore throat, etc. Here I am six days into this and I had to break down and call my family doctor for medicine, my herbal/natural remedies were not going to win this time. Relief has come as 500 mg of antibiotic three times a day.

So I have told my "Goddess Inside" to enjoy this little break now, because it is not going to last long, back to the gym we will be going. This will not stop us!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Exercising I will go, Exercising I will go! Oh, how sore I am, exercising I will go!

Yep, the will is there but by golly the flesh is weak. My fat human body is fighting the Goddess who is trying to claw her way out. FYI the Goddess is winning. I have been consistently exercising, and I am rocking it! This is the first time I have been this diligent. Don't get me wrong, it stinks to lug myself out of the house to the gym, and for the record, I personally do not think I have never used some of the muscles that I have been using. I even thought of looking up them in a physiology book to make sure I am not some sort of mutant! Once I enter the gym it is on! All I can say is I thankful for endorphins, can I get an "Holla!"

What makes this different then all the other times? Well, the will. The simple will to be healthy and fit. I have said I doubt I will never be a size 8 and model again, but I do NOT want to look like this, at all. My other motivation is having my work out buddy. My friend Lisa is on the same page as I am. She gets it. We encourage each other. We push each other. She is the first one to tell me to buck up and put my big girl pants on! I am grateful to her.

The other thing is despite my soreness, I can already see a difference. My stamina is better. I have went from doing cardio two to maybe three days a week for 30 minutes. I can now do 55 minutes cardio. I work out six days a week now. My strength is growing. On the days that I strength train, I have to raise the weight amount on certain muscles groups.

Here is my schedule:

Monday: Cardio and Strength. *On these days we are at the gym for about 2 1/2 hours, working it!
Tuesday: Cardio
Wednesday: Cardio and Strength
Thursday: Cardio
Friday: Cardio and Strength
Saturday: Cardio
Sunday: off

Some days due to schedules, it is harder to get to the gym, so that is when I have to get creative.

My Creative Moves!

-Pop in a Walking Away the Pounds DVD and work it with hand weights.
- Put in some "jams" and boogie around the house. I love to dance. (Don't worry neighbors, I will pull the shades to not scare you!)
-Bust out the tap shoes and bust a few moves.
-Have my hubby run me through his martial arts work out.He has studied martial arts for 28 years and I have trained with him in a structured setting before. Ugh, nothing like having to refer to your husband as "Sir."
-Pick up the pace while doing those household chores.

It all comes down to moving it!  I admit I get frustrated it is not coming off as quickly as I like. But it did not come on overnight either.

Daily Reminder:

In the lyrics of one of my favorite singers to dance to Ms. Christina Aguilera

You are beautiful in every single way...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Stuffed Turkey Breast With "Good" Grains.

  Life is busy for many of us. I know that it can be a lot easier to stop off at the fast food place, or order in. Believe me, been there done that. But here is a quick and easy healthy dinner for you and your family.

Before I begin, I will say that using a Turkey breast is not the most optimal choice in meat when you want to create a rolled, stuffed dish for dinner.. Chicken breast is a better choice. But for this I was going for fast.

My grocery store carries many organic and yummy items. Seed of Change have great side dishes that you can microwave in a matter of seconds for a healthy side dish.


3 to 4 lb boneless, skinless Turkey Breast.
1 package of Seeds of Change Quinoa & Brown Rice with Garlic, I love me some Garlic, so I added a bit of fresh to it.
3 to 4 slices of Canadian Bacon, to add a bit of flavor, and to "entice" my kids. Haha!
1/4 cup of low-fat cream cheese
2 Tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 tsp. Oregano, Basil, Rosemary


Roll it as best as you can, secure with toothpicks.
 What I did was put the Turkey breast between two sheets of parchment paper and used my rolling pin to pound the breast as flat as I could. (I could not find my meat tenderizer hammer thingy.)

-Cook your package of grains as directed.

In a bowl, I mix the cream cheese, and spices. Once mixed,  lightly spread it onto the turkey breast. Place the slices of Canadian Bacon on top of the mixture. Then you add your cooked grains
Taking the long side of the breast, roll it or as I had to do fold it. Secure with toothpicks. Lightly bast the breast with the olive oil, and roll it up in foil. Place the breast in a baking dish. Because I wrapped it in foil, I did not have a messy baking dish to clean either! Bake for about 25 minutes or until meat is cooked.

Slice and serve with your favorite vegetable. We served it with fresh blanched green beans, and a fruit salad made from mixed berries.

                                                        Easy! Healthy! Yummy!

Monday, January 21, 2013

"It Is That Time Of Year!"

Can you guess from my title what I mean? No, it is not a reference to the arctic weather we are having in Ohio. Nope, it is not about Publisher's Clearing House ads. Let me give you a hint:

Cute, adorable girls offering you their delicious sugar-filled goodies in a box...

Yep, you guest it! It is Girl Scout Cookie time! Now if you are fortunate enough to skim by this sale, good for you. For me I have a Girl Scout in my home. The first order had to go in today. So as of now I am safe. The problem will arise when the boxes actually arrive.
For the past few weeks I have had this order form and managed to NOT add an order to it. Good for me you say? Well, I thought so. As we were getting a tally of all the cookies my daughter sold, she realized that she was a few shy of her goal. *Sigh* what is a parent to do? Well I will tell you. They become weak, they break down, they talk themselves into buying the difference. How could I not? Have you seen my daughter? Alright, maybe I am hiding behind her cuteness. Sure I could of ordered the boxes and had them go to the troops overseas, but I was weak. But I have until February 9th to work up my will power.

But then there is that "other" thing that is coming. The Hallmark holiday of Love! Valentine's Day this year will be blown since I will have probably ate all the Girl Scout Cookies five days before, (hey I am being honest) I have some ideas. My first idea is to just make a healthy dinner here at home. Candles, music, you know create the ambiance. But then again, because I ate all the cookies I will probably be so sore from working out, burning those little buggers off, that I will be too sore to do anything. Just kidding...maybe.

My other idea, one that will require my hubby to do (Hint, Hint dear) is to have him create this. My friend, Kate at Farm House 38 created a beautiful arrangement in a heart shaped candy box. She evens gives you a step-by-step tutorial. Fun!

No candy, only filled with roses. Ah, I can smell them! How beautiful is that? And NO Calories!

As much as I love flowers, I was even thinking I could make it easier on my hubby and he can even buy me vegetable seeds. I love to garden and it would make a great gift for my mental and physical health.
I think I have this covered, well except those Girl Scout Cookies, hmm...


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Why did I do that?

Well I got a bit sassy yesterday. It has been a week in on my journey. I weighed myself. Guess what? I LOST 8 POUNDS this week. WAHOOOOO!!!!

Where did the sassy part come in? Well, I had read somewhere that it is good to give yourself a "cheat" day. Why not? I deserve it. Remember I said I am a all or nothing gal? Here is what I ate:

     A cream filled long doughnut, I actually could only take 2 bites out of it, it was horrible. Then I stopped at my Mom's and she had homemade teeny cinnamon rolls, about the size of a fifty cent piece. So I popped two of those buggers into my mouth. This was at about 9:45 a.m

           I did not eat until about 2:30ish because I was on the road taking our two Roosters, (I have chickens) to my friend's farm. By this time I was getting loopy. Lunch from a local Chili hot dog place called Rudy's. I had one chili dog with cheese, a small fry. When I dropped my mom off at her house, I popped another one of those cinnamon things into my mouth.

*Note by 4:30 p.m. I was in La-La land and had to take a nap.

     When I woke from my crap filled coma, it was 7:30 p.m. By this point I was hungry, but was starting to fill very sick. For dinner my hubby made the meal I planned of Stir-fry chicken and brown rice noodles. I ate that. Not bad.

Around 11:30 p.m when I should be going to bed, I made two small plates of nachos. My chips were organic sweet potato tortilla chips, which is fine, but I was not within the serving size. Plus I decided I wanted real cheese on them. Topped it with salsa and jalapenos. For some reason I am really into jalapenos.

So, was this a good day? HECK NO! and I am paying for it now. I am physically ill. I have major stomach "issues" (putting it nicely not to offend.) to the point of being incapacitated,  headaches, tired, my thinking is way off,  I feel like I have the flu.

Honestly, this is pretty close to how I use to eat before my journey. Not enough calories, not enough veggies/fruit, and no water. No wonder I am a fat and unhealthy.

Moral of the story: 
Old habits die hard, and this kind of cheating is not good for me. If you want to cheat, have at it, I do not judge. But I cannot go through this again.

On a brighter note:
I did force myself to work out this evening. It was really hard to get there, but I did. One hour of cardio between the bike and treadmill.