Let me just tell you that as I write this, my heart is beating out of my chest, I feel my anxiety growing and all I want to do is hit delete! This is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is embarrassing, it is admitting that I am human. Honestly, I just want to vomit, I am scared. Breathe in, breathe out. O.k, here goes.
We all have a story, here is mine:
I am 5 foot and 11 1/2 inches tall. Weight was never an issue with me, until about 14 years ago after the birth of my first child. Up until that point I actually was hassled from friends and family for being "too thin." In my late teens and early 20's I was a part time model. I weighed 135 to 140 during that time. Right before I had my first child I weighed about 185. For the last 14 years I have become obese and unhealthy. I have issues with Insulin Resistance, Depression/Anxiety, high cholesterol, allergies, skin issues, and right before the holidays, found out that I have atrial narrowing of the blood vessels in my eyes, which is indicative of high blood pressure. Genetics do play a part in my health, but I will only give it so much credit. My health is due to MY OWN lifestyle choices, bad food, chemicals and not living clean.
I smoke. Yep, I smoke! EWWWW, go ahead you can say it, I do. I am not proud of this. I loathe smoking, I hate the smell. So why do I do it? I smoked socially for a few years before I had my first child and stopped as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. I never touched it until about 4 years ago, I was dealing with some crappy life stuff and took a puff off of a friend's cigarette and started smoking. That is all that it took. If you do not smoke, don't! It is the most addicting thing and it is killing me. But I am committed to quitting.
This blog is not about a New Year resolution, it is not about me whining about how bad my life is. It is my way of getting healthy. Do I think I will be a size 8 and weigh 135 pounds and model again? Heck, no! Don't get me wrong, I would love to be that, but today I am a realist. This is not the first time I have entered into the "getting healthy" zone. But it is the first time I being completely honest with myself and others. It is time.
|I could not find a better pic, since I usually delete them or crop them out!|
Today January 5, 2013:
I am 5 foot 11 and 1/2 inches tall.
I weigh 263 pounds.I wear a size "big girl", no I wear a 24 pant. My waist is 46 inches, and good Lord have mercy! my hips measure 55 inches! Yes I am a walking heart attack. My chest, Hahaha, I joke and say this is the only good thing about being fat, I have a chest now! Under the ever sagging breasts it is 42 inches.
Well here it is, the beginning of my journey to health. I quote the Nike, and say "JUST DO IT!"